Our High Maintenance CatPedro |
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COMSUBBBS Posts: 2974 Location: Liverpool, England | Subject: Our High Maintenance Cat I occasionally smoke, hate reality TV and in the past, by exhibiting great personal courage, I have wrested control of the TV remote control, [zapper], from “she who must be obeyed” my five foot two wife, who can be a real spitfire when riled. Except for my own space, the den, which houses my trusty computer, nauticalia and accumulated junk, everywhere else in my home is a non-smoking zone. Consequently, although there two other TV sets around the place, I don’t by choice, watch much of the rubbish shown on the channels, unless there is a good movie or a football game on. As a result, any visiting family members, i.e. those who actually give a damn about the denizens of the “Big Brother” house, the winners of “Britain Has Talent” or wish to watch the latest episode of some mind numbing soap opera, invariably opt for voluntary exile to the living room where they and my wife can enjoy a smoke free diet of televised garbage to their hearts content. Another, much less salubrious consequence of my petty tyranny is that my family are made uncomfortably aware that our cat is a hedonist without equal and so prefers the sunny climes of the living room where it periodically plays host to gatherings of fleas. The dog, a Jack Russell called Buster, does not get along with the cat, so happily he spends his time in the garret with me and never once complains about the second-hand smoke or gets fleas. So, today, I was despatched to the local vets to buy a remedy. I asked the assistant if I could buy some gel, the name of which escaped me, but which I knew from previous outbreaks of `happy hour' had actually worked. "Oh," she murmured while staring at the computer screen," You need Frontline." I nodded and reflected on the notion that the war on fleas was as old as time. Turning to me she asked me for my cats name. Aware that various pet owners were monitoring my interaction I almost choked with embarrassment as I whispered, "Ahem...Katie." She typed in a command and Katie’s life history appeared. Christ, I thought, its just like being at my own doctors with only difference being that Katie couldn't read her own notes. The assistant turned to me and said acidly, "This is a prescription drug and since we haven’t seen Katie for a year I will have to ask the vet if I can renew the prescription!" My jaw went into drop mode as I wondered what she thought I was going to do with a tube of flea gel! I mean, I know that some poor buggers are hooked on the horse tranquilliser Ketamine, but I ask you, who the hell gets off on liquid flea powder? Eventually she returned and ungraciously handed me a minuscule box of the stuff and a bill for £38 ($25), with the snarled instruction that I would have to renew it regularly. As I trundled home, still smarting at the fact that I had been made to feel like an abusive parent when I don’t even like cats, I started to tot up the cost of keeping one as a pet. 1. Flea gel - £72 ($48) per annum. 2. Whiskas chicken/duck/beef in jelly and assorted dried foods – £300 ($200) 3. Band Aids to cover incipient scratches/bites - £5 ($3) per annum. 4. Boxes of chocolates/flowers to mollify my neighbour whenever Katie decides to dine al fresco on my neighbour’s doves - approximately £20 ($15) 5. Cost of cleaning fluids to clean up the mess on the dining room floor left behind by eviscerated mice and decapitated doves - £20 per annum. 6. Sundry plants uprooted by Katie in her search for the perfect toilet - approximately £40 ($26.60). 7. A perfectly good apple tree destroyed by Katie's claws - priceless; for everything else there is no doubt MasterCard. 8. Pet insurance which for some inexplicable reason never seems to cover any complaints that Katie suffers from £130 ( $86) per annum. I cease my daft meanderings when I realise that it would be less expensive to donate to a charity that would guarantee a third world child fresh water for a year, probably with a pair of decent shoes thrown in. I was trying to think of alternative methods to rid Katie of her fleas. I have a small pond and I know that foxes will hold a straw in their mouths and then submerge until the fleas migrate to the straw. However, I quickly abandon that method when I recall that Katie's only previous experience of using a straw is of sipping daintily at her après-ski of Martini and cream. Give me a dog every time. Pedro | ||
| Flapper |
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Master and Commander Posts: 1107 Location: Tucson AZ | Subject: LOL, Pedro! We have two conniving felines, so my sympathy. Your bandages must be cheap in the UK or your cat docile, as I & my wife probably run about $10 - $15 to cover our incidental wounds. By the way, are your numbers reversed, pound vs. dollar? Or has the pound sunk that low against our dubious greenbacks? When one of our cats shuffles off this mortal coil, we head to shelter to replace him/her. Our latest newbie is a quite curious male and right after we got him, he investigated a rustling in the juniper out front and shortly leaping yowling out said bushes. He had been struck on one fore-paw by a rattlesnake. $2,000+ later and he came home not too much the worse for wear. I took him aside, and told him in no uncertain terms that should there be a next time, he would be on his own! | ||
| John Wynn |
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| Crew Posts: 65 | Subject: RE: Our High Maintenance Cat Universal Currency Converter™ Results Mid-market rates refreshed minutely. More currencies... Printed from the XE Universal Currency Converter at: www.xe.com/ucc Memo: ....................................................................................................................................................................... ....................................................................................................................................................................... Currency Rates Live rates at 2010.09.04 12:16:00 UTC 100.00 USD = 64.7050 GBP [view USD/GBP chart] United States Dollars United Kingdom Pounds 1 USD = 0.647050 GBP 1 GBP = 1.54548 USD | ||
| Scrivener |
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| Senior Crew Posts: 218 | Subject: RE: Our High Maintenance Cat Not bad, Pedro. Thanks. Re your reference to “She Who Must Be Obeyed”: It appears that I am not the only fan of Rumpole of the Old Bailey on this board. My wife and I watched an episode just last night. | ||
| Pedro |
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COMSUBBBS Posts: 2974 Location: Liverpool, England | Subject: RE: Our High Maintenance Cat Flapper, Wow! A rattlesnake bite and a vets bill for $2K for treatment. I will never complain again about the overheads my moggy (local slang) generates. With such a venomous snake, I think we can safely say he has used up one of his nine lives already. Lucky little fella. Pedro  | ||
| rover177 |
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| Master and Commander Posts: 1576 Location: Wollongong, NSW | Subject: RE: Our High Maintenance Cat Every time they have tried to bring in medical insurance for pets, the funds have gone bankrupt very quickly. The crazy thing is that we are quite happy to spend more on our pets health than we will do with our own. Another reference to SWMBO -What is the difference between a vuvuzela and a woman? One is an irritating, monotonous, continuous droning in your ear the whole time. The other is a plastic trumpet used by South African football fans. This one came from the Australian Submariners 'The Log." | ||
| The Brat |
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Crew Posts: 98 Location: Lipan, TX | Subject: Benedryl Flapper - 2010-09-04 6:16 AM We have two conniving felines, so my sympathy. Your bandages must be cheap in the UK or your cat docile, as I & my wife probably run about $10 - $15 to cover our incidental wounds. By the way, are your numbers reversed, pound vs. dollar? Or has the pound sunk that low against our dubious greenbacks? When one of our cats shuffles off this mortal coil, we head to shelter to replace him/her. Our latest newbie is a quite curious male and right after we got him, he investigated a rustling in the juniper out front and shortly leaping yowling out said bushes. He had been struck on one fore-paw by a rattlesnake. $2,000+ later and he came home not too much the worse for wear. I took him aside, and told him in no uncertain terms that should there be a next time, he would be on his own! I don't want to talk about vet bills and my pets, but I will give you one helluva cost saving tip when it comes to snakebites! Benadryl = will take care of rattlesnake, moccasin, and copperhead bites as long as the venom did not enter near the throat. You can give an adult cat 1 pill every 8 hours and adult dog 1 pill every 4 hours. | ||
