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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 3202
Location: Alexandria, Virginia | Subject: The Elimination of Excessive Heartburn
Folks, Don has done something incredibly simple. He has established a category for each post that indicates whose post it is. Remarkable,simple and intuitive. Here's how it works. If someone's posts irritate you...give you the heebie-jeebies...piss you off....turn your world upside down...rub your gramatical composition cat fur the wrong way...DON'T OPEN THE DAMN THINGS. Professor Gentry taught me this simple lesson and Kemosabis...It works. There are posts I ignore...don't open and pay no attention to them when they appear in threads. I love it...Many of you send me e-mails, recognizing idiotic posts...and I have no idea what you are referring to since I completed the Don Gentry Advanced Course in passing up trap cheese, number five dry flies....and invitations to tapdance on the flypaper. So Boys and Girls, if lack of paragraphs...sentences that run from Nova Scotia to Guatamala...misspelling...neanderthal punctuation and rambling bulls**t bother you...DON'T READ THE CRAP...Simple solution. Enroll in Gentry's Advanced Degree Course in selective post reading...pass up anything that reads DEX ARMSTRONG and your stomach acid will quit churning like a Bendix washer on the rinse cycle. Of course, there are idiots out there who can't come to grips with that concept...and as Brother Dave Gardner once said,"God must have loved idiots...he made so many of them." It's nice to know that I have God's love. DEX
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 3673
Location: Kansas City Missouri | Subject: RE: The Elimination of Excessive Heartburn
Einstein said he could never understand it all. Hell Dex, write it upside down and backwards in Chinese. I'll figure out a way to read it. I'm guessing there are some who would like you to use paper and ink in longhand via USPS, that to- ain't gonna happen. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRh6oGfuFKE&feature=related
Edited by GaryKC 2008-04-03 9:00 PM
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Master and Commander
Posts: 2357
| Subject: Hey Dex...
....if that post was in regards to my comments down the board a little, well I just want you to realise I was taking the piss...in a friendly way.
I have no beef with you and I love your comments.
I was just pulling ya leg mate. Honest!
Blue *_*  |
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 3202
Location: Alexandria, Virginia | Subject: RE: The Elimination of Excessive Heartburn
Blue, You could mail me something that dropped out of a kangaroos behind and it would be OK....My dear lost bride, was the finest judge of human beings I ever knew....She loved you and called you the nicest houseguest any woman could have. You complimented her on her cooking no matter what came out of the kitchen..(Actually what you did was break down conditions and raise her level of complimentary comment expectation to a level previously occupied by saints and members of God's immediate family.) Blue, you worthless Australian bostud...you could pour dingo pee on my Post Toasties and get a free pass. Think you and that other worthless Aussie, POD are shipmates anyone, anywhere would be happy and honored to call shipmate. Coming from East Tennessee, we are most comfortable drawing stick figures in the dirt with a pointed stick and talking in a dialect previously reserved for cavemen, aborigines and people living in and around Lewes, Delaware. Blue, you can poke one of those nasty looking lizards, the Croc Man eats, down my skivvies anytime....You have a permanent GET OUT OF JAIL FREE card. DEX |
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Old Salt
Posts: 359
Location: Saco, Maine | Subject: RE: The Elimination of Excessive Heartburn
Damn! He never complimented ME on MY cooking! The most I ever got out of him on any of several occasions was "Is there any more, Mate? Is THAT all there is??" |
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 3202
Location: Alexandria, Virginia | Subject: RE: The Elimination of Excessive Heartburn
John, You are not (A) that beautiful and desirable (B) that great a cook and (C) your culinary presentation leaves a helluva lot to be desired. Blue said he had to get used to roast badger on a stick....barbequed moose guts cooked on hot rocks and caribou testicle surprise, Blue explained that eating off strips of birch bark with sharpened antlers was a new experience and drinking out of a Great Horned owl skull took some getting used to. But according to Blue, when you're really hungry and Australian you'll eat three portions of damn near anything. He also said that it appeared that you used a discrded whorehouse blanket for a tablecloth. Actually I didn't believe any of it, because according to NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC, Australian sailors tend to lie a lot. DEX |
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Old Salt
Posts: 359
Location: Saco, Maine | Subject: RE: The Elimination of Excessive Heartburn
I had a perfectly acceptable table cloth, and I would send a picture, but it has been missing since his last meal here. Could he have....?? Nah. He could not have been THAT hungry!
Come to think of it, it HAD been soaked in lobster juice... |
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 3202
Location: Alexandria, Virginia | Subject: RE: The Elimination of Excessive Heartburn
John, We had dinner with him in Annapolis. Question, did you give him that sterling silver coal shovel and five foot bib? DEX |
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Old Salt
Posts: 359
Location: Saco, Maine | Subject: RE: The Elimination of Excessive Heartburn
He got the bib last time he was here at the Goodwill Store. They gave it to him when he told them he was marooned here after a shipwreck and had not friends or funds. The shovel was original equipment. I am told they are issued in Oz at birth. |
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 3202
Location: Alexandria, Virginia | Subject: RE: The Elimination of Excessive Heartburn
The bad thing about going into a first class restaurant with an Aussie, is that they are most comportable eating out of a trough...So there you are in formal attire, on your hands and knees scoffing Koala meatloaf and Kangaroo SPAM out of a trough....and singing WALTZING MATILDA while Steamboat plays the kazoo and Mandleblatt plays the diggery doo....Blue ate damn near everything that wasn't nailed down and washed it down with a 55 gallon drum of Fosters. He only slowed down for an occasional "Oink-Oink" and kept going....The cook came in at one point looking for Tabby the kitchen cat....and saw a Seargents Flea and Tick Collar sticking out of Blues shirt pocket...The cook asked,"Hey fellow, you seen a cat?" "Not in the last five minutes....ate one about ten minutes ago." He got up to visit the Men's Room and returned with two rolls of toilet tissue...four 75 watt bulbs...a roll of paper towels and a HOT water faucet. A waitress came by the table claiming that someone had stolen her panties and ballpoint pen. When we left, the manager patted us down...Blue had six forks, eleven spoons, two table knives, a butter knife, an asperagus server and a framed photo of the owner's granddaughter in his pocket. Bruce Miller had the waitresses previously mentioned panties....Mandleblatt had her bra, that she didn't even miss. Steamboat was over at a table full of really old ladies, putting the make on a 97 year old lady who was missing four front teeth and had a plastic leg. Some lady who couldn't speak English and had a glass eye asked Blue if he knew Paul Hogan and Blue lied and said that Hogan was his first cousin, was travelling with him during his U.S. tour and would be in, in about an hour...after shooting the afternoon scenes in his new movie, and they were in the can, CROCADILE DUNDEE SAVES THE NAVAL ACADEMY....Then he asked the lady if she needed any 75 watt bulbs and told her, if her sister watched the door of the ladies room, he would show her how Aussies unscrewed lightbulbs illuminating bathroom stalls. John Bay did a lousy job teaching this third world visitor how to conduct himself in public. DEX |
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Master and Commander
Posts: 2357
| Subject: That was THE compliment mate....
......I mean, fancy serving a mere 7Lb lobster to an Aussie and not having a second or third one available? sheesh.....your lucky I haven't told POD about that 'faux pax' as he is still threatening to leave the sunny shores of West Oz one day.
Then you will be sorry!
Even Daniel was upset about only having 3 large pizzas to himself, said something like, " that Maniac doesn't know a punch buggy from a cruiser bruiser" or something like that... although he did take a shining to the 15 year old waitress you employed for our visit. I told him, "you should check out the Chinese woman, I did"
As for that pussy Dex mentioned,er, well, lets not go there...
Hey Dex, is that a Tiger snake crawling behind you, I misplaced it on my last visit.
Blue *_* |
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Old Salt
Posts: 359
Location: Saco, Maine | Subject: RE: The Elimination of Excessive Heartburn
You checked that China girl out too much! Has she gone to Oz? I called there one night last week for a delivery of a D-2 and no one answered. Drove by yesterday to see a hand scrawled "Closed" sign on the door. I KNEW I should not have introduced you!
She must have liked your shrimp roll!
Edited by John Bay 2008-04-06 6:40 AM
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Mess cooking
Posts: 35
| Subject: RE: That was THE compliment mate....
Blue from West Oz - 2008-04-06 6:07 AM
......I mean, fancy serving a mere 7Lb lobster to an Aussie and not having a second or third one available? sheesh.....
Blue *_*
John,
I must assume that YOU supplied the above mentioned crustacean and knowing Blue to be one who accurately reports events I feel duty bound to turn you in to the Clam Cops!
You are fully aware that Maine has an 'upper' size limit for lobsters as well as a 'lower' one and unless this seven pound 'bug' ate Davy Jone's anchor for breakfast he had to exceed 5" along the length of his carapace!
I realize that geographically you nearly live in the abominable State of Massachusetts, but that is no excuse for adopting their draconian marine fisheries laws!
You may as well come clean and admit your sin, things might go easier on you...
Roger Ramjet, assistant to the assistant of the State of Maine Marine Patrol aka "Clam Cops". |
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Mess cooking
Posts: 35
| Subject: RE: The Elimination of Excessive Heartburn
Dex,
Very glad to see that the passage of time accompanied with inevitable aging, hasn't dulled your sense of humor or your ability to set same to print..
I shall look forward to reading your words of wit.... hmmmm, seems like I read something about "words of wit" on the walls of an outhouse when I was but a lad, but they elude me at the moment....
I feel duty bound to point out that Bendix is no longer in business, swallowed along with many others in the White Goods manufacture by the mega-makers we see today...
Ramjet |
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Old Salt
Posts: 359
Location: Saco, Maine | Subject: RE: The Elimination of Excessive Heartburn
Ramjet, I noticed you were intelligent enough to remain under a rock like a slime eel the two times Blue was in the State of Maine. You were the smart one.
All here know that when it comes to eating my beloved friend Blue speaks with a multi forked tongue. That was wishful thinking. NO ONE in the State of Maine would take an oversized lobster, let alone feed it to a foreign national!
It was a crawfish we had caught by the outfall of the Biddefrog Sewage Plant. A little red paint, and....
(Hammerite Paint works the best)
That is the Truth, the Whole Truth, and I say no more! |
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Mess cooking
Posts: 35
| Subject: RE: The Elimination of Excessive Heartburn
John,
Rest assured that the dogs have been called off! Thank you for setting me straight! You were right to feed Blue a revamped crawfish, being from the upside down part of the world, he wouldn't have known any difference... I'll remember that when entertaining "folks frum away" this summer....
Am I gonna see you at Cabela's Grand Opening? We are thinking of chartering a bus and having a "Mid-Coast" pilgrimage down your way....
Ramjet |
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Old Salt
Posts: 359
Location: Saco, Maine | Subject: RE: The Elimination of Excessive Heartburn
Let me know when you are going to be there. As long as I am not working I will meet you. |
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Mess cooking
Posts: 35
| Subject: RE: The Elimination of Excessive Heartburn
I believe they are opening May 15th, but don't know for sure, also don't know when we'll be coming down, but you can rest assured, we WILL be coming to see the new facility!
Roge |
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 3202
Location: Alexandria, Virginia | Subject: RE: The Elimination of Excessive Heartburn
Roger, I was talking about Rodreigo Don Juan, Hidalgo, Benito Bendix who bolts together MAYTAG units in the old TACO BELL warehouse in TAMPAXICO outside MONTEREY. Since MAYTAG fired the old do-nothing Repairman who sat around playing gin rummy all day with a slow market real estate saleswoman...He's working as a faulty assembly claims adjuster. Damn it's good to have you back. DEX |
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The Elimination of Excessive Heartburn
