Pretend for a moment that you're a young Sailor.

You are sitting with some of your buds (aboard ship --- on the boat --- in a barracks --- in a diner --- in a bar... doesn't matter) and you have this really neat story YOU JUST GOTTA TELL.

The story may be true. It may be just some crap you heard from another guy. Or it may be true but "slightly embellished. (Most no-s**tters are).

So you say to your buds, "Hey listen up guys, Now this is no s**t...". And then you proceed to tell whatever it is that you JUST GOTTA share with 'em.

Naturally one of your buds is eagerly waiting for you to shut-up so he can top that --- and so he tells one. And on and on and on and on it goes. That by the way is a very patriotic and historic activity. It all goes back to John Paul Jones whom they say could tell really terrific "no s**tters". He did however wear a funny hat.

Personally I always liked to pass along "STRAIGHT MDI" (mess deck information). Considered to be a most reliable source. Better than the CIA some people claim.

Some academic journals claim that actually the fine tradition of NTINS began with the Phoenicians. But I also read in THE NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC (March 1997 issue) that recently discovered ancient scrolls say it may have started with Noah. Which I seriously doubt, as he was loaded up with critters (two by two and all that) so I suspect the phrase NO s**t never crossed his mind. He was up to his eyeballs in the stuff.

Lesson note: The preceding is a fine example of a variation of today's lesson. Which positively must --- to be absolutely grammatically correct --- conclude with ATANS (And That Ain't No s**t)

Therefore... ATANS

But to continue --- as you have your milk and cookies, while sitting in your little chairs (and leaning slightly forward so as not to miss a single word) --- how did it all begin in these forums? One may ask that. Yes one may. And one certainly should.

On the net several years ago someone made an acronym out of the phrase. It was done for expediency and brevity and so they wouldn't be using any "bad words" in these pristine righteous sailor forums during family hour. Or else one's posting may be subjected to the wrath of the POST PULLING MONSTER.

ATANS

Some just use the acronym TINS... which is quite proper usage in most circles of society. Its all same-o, same-o.

Or... we could say NOUAT ie "Now Once Upon A Time"... but hey! that's called a fairy tale. And we don't deal in no damn fairy tales. We tell good old solid American no-s**tters and that ANS (ain't no s**t).

Aside: Note the endless variations. You see this is not a simple thing to understand when the many layers of it are peeled back.

Got it?

Sure... Betcha do now.

S'all I know.

Subject topic for the next two week includes FUBAR followed by BOHICA, NFG, WTF, STFU, RCH and OIA. Wear dark glasses and a string of garlic bulbs around your neck.

Don't forget the field trip next Thursday. We visit a BALAO class Submarine and you will get to dive Number 2 s**t tank. Wear old clothes.

Quiz on Tuesday. Be ready. Class dismissed.

Sid - striving for a more enlightened society ... and I do know Jack about the subject

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Take home question: Where would America be if the s**t word didn't exist? (500 word essay answer required. Cite a minimum of three references) This will constitute ten percent of your semester grade. NTINS

Think of all its many uses.

Absolutely endless.