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Master and Commander
Posts: 1405
Location: Houston, TX (Best state in the US) | Subject: Doc G., Dex, and Cats
I moved this out of the other thread to to keep from diverting the sentiments of remembering all of those great shipmates who aren't with us physically anymore.....but am responding to Dex's comments about Gardner's bagpipes. Last time he was here, (it must have been while he was looking for feminine undewear, I threw two cats in the microwave and three in the dishwasher, and he came running out, saying, "What a fantastic group of pipers! Is that 'Scotland the Brave',"
So help me, if I'm a lying, I'm a dying!
Edited by Stoops 2008-08-16 5:15 PM
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Master and Commander
Posts: 2254
Location: Foothills of the Ozarks | Subject: RE: Doc G., Dex, and Cats
Stoops - 2008-08-16 6:15 PM
I moved this out of the other thread to to keep from diverting the sentiments of remembering all of those great shipmates who aren't with us physically anymore.....but am responding to Dex's comments about Gardner's bagpipes. Last time he was here, (it must have been while he was looking for feminine undewear, I threw two cats in the microwave and three in the dishwasher, and he came running out, saying, "What a fantastic group of pipers! Is that 'Scotland the Brave',"
So help me, if I'm a lying, I'm a dying!
You're going to need that help because that is a bald face lie. Now, if you'd have said "this is no s**t" you might have some credibility. BTW; those cats were pretty good and it was the first time I've ever heard 5 part harmony.
Add some Edradour to your liquor cabinet; I've developed a fondness for it and my supplies are limited.
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 3202
Location: Alexandria, Virginia | Subject: RE: Doc G., Dex, and Cats
Dave speaks the gospel truth...Doc Gardner is an unsalvagable reprobate. The rapscallion has a custom designed trailer to haul his stolen liquor and ladies undie collection (which at last count numbered 6,426 pairs of step-ins and 3,792 bras....ranging in sizes (panties) 5-47 and (bras) 32A-56DDDDD...That last one was made by the same guys who built the Goodyear blimp. Doc's trick is the damn bagpipes...The bag has a secret zipper and holds two bottles of booze and a dozen bloomers and six ber-zeeerz....I figured this out when I saw him go into a Tru-Value hardware store with a set of his pipes and come out, with the hooter bag weighing 70 pounds from half a dozen claw hammers, thirty adjustable open end wrenches, a vice, and a small anvil....and as he opened the door the girl at the checkout counter was yelling..."Somebody just jerked my thong off me." According to Dave, Doc has some kind of psychological condition known in scientific circles as "klepto-bloomer-osis" that causes his abberant behavior...He can't play that bagpipe contraption...as Stoops says...it's all done electronically by recording the boiling of cats and installing a play-back trigger under the secret trap door release button that allows acess to the zipper enclosed loot box in the fake set of pipes. Doc also has a set of pipes (again, according to Stoops) that is a converted Oreck shop vac with a suoped up suction motor...Stoops says he's actually seen Doc clean out a lady's lingerie drawer in less than five seconds. This is what happens to your honor and sense of decency when you hang around jarheads....DEX, Speaker of the Gospel Truth |
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 3202
Location: Alexandria, Virginia | Subject: RE: Doc G., Dex, and Cats
Doc, We love you and would never say anything to hurt you...You need professional help, that has become obvious. But before you come to recognize that on your own, stay the hell out of Corabelles house. First the dear lady owns a high caliber handgun and has a room full of trophies she won shooting the reproductive organs off gnats at 100yds....Her lingerie drawer is rigged to trigger a couple of Claymores and release 22 cobras and a panther. That thing hanging on the power lines out in front of her house is eighteen feet of Ray Goobersteins intestinal tract...The poor bastard was blind (that's why dear Cora called him "the blind man") and during a late evening visit to Corabelles for a horny-toad and lizard stew candlelight dinner and screw top wine and rat cheese evening. Poor Ray's seeing eye dog, Beeghly accidentally bumped into Cotabelles unmentionables storage chest of drawers. The resulting explosion registered 9.6 on the Richter scale in Ron Martini's garage,,,blew out the entire left side of Corabells house...scattered her oooh-la-la's and chunks of Ray, The Blind Man and his seeing.eye pooch over three states. So Doc, it's best not to put a ladder up to Corabell's bedroom window with the intention of monkeying with her nighties and pull-ups. DEX |
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Master and Commander
Posts: 1107
Location: Tucson AZ | Subject: RE: Doc G., Dex, and Cats
dex armstrong - 2008-08-17 8:38 AMDoc, We love you and would never say anything to hurt you...You need professional help, that has become obvious. But before you come to recognize that on your own, stay the hell out of Corabelles house. First the dear lady owns a high caliber handgun and has a room full of trophies she won shooting the reproductive organs off gnats at 100yds....{SNIP} DEX
Not to worry, Dex! When Doc wears his kilt, his 'reproductive organs' present a much smaller target than said gnat's 'nads! At least on the kind of cold nights up where Corabelle lives.
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Admin
Posts: 2297
Location: Renton, WA | Subject: RE: Doc G., Dex, and Cats
Man, it's just plain WIERD to hear the term "gospel truth" on a submarine bbs! Kinda like "almost pregnant" and "handsome skimmer sailor"... just doesn't compute in the brain! Funniest post in a long time Dex... thanks (although a certain Richard Smith back in my home state may disagree!) |
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Master and Commander
Posts: 1324
Location: Oxnard, CA | Subject: RE: Doc G., Dex, and Cats
Don Gentry - 2008-08-17 11:21 PM
"handsome skimmer sailor"... just doesn't compute in the brain!
Handsome Skimmer Sailor (And you better capitalize Skimmer Sailor) computes just fine, especially since I are one! All I have to do is look in the mirror to confirm it.  Just ask me and I'll tell ya!
Edited by JrKrup, Skimmer 2008-08-17 5:57 PM
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Admin
Posts: 2297
Location: Renton, WA | Subject: RE: Doc G., Dex, and Cats
Jonny.... you handsome, scrambled-egg-cooking-bash-cook-master-breakfast cooker... I beg your forgiveness!! I forgot I have a special place for tin can sailors.... just because I are one too... love ya shipmate (but don't let it get out) Don |
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Master and Commander
Posts: 1324
Location: Oxnard, CA | Subject: RE: Doc G., Dex, and Cats
Don Gentry - 2008-08-18 3:10 AM
Jonny.... you handsome, scrambled-egg-cooking-bash-cook-master-breakfast cooker... I beg your forgiveness!! I forgot I have a special place for tin can sailors.... just because I are one too... love ya shipmate (but don't let it get out) Don
MINESWEEPS! MINESWEEPS!
Edited by JrKrup, Skimmer 2008-08-17 10:15 PM
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Doc G., Dex, and Cats
