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Crew
Posts: 57
Location: Ormond Beach, Florida | Subject: Five years ago today.
I know this forum is for Submarine related events, But have I have to vent. I usually go to bed late and get up late. On this day five years ago, I awoke to hear my wife screaming and crying and my Daughter with her. I asked, What happened? Then I saw a patrolman in my son's room and I immediatly went there. My son was not responsive. I felt him and he was cold to the touch. While I was trying to turn him over to try to revive him, The patrolman (Young) said "This is a crime scene". I wanted to smash his head in. I did not get the chance to try to revive him as the Para Medic were there. My son was only thirty four years old. A gifted writer who had attended Journalism in College. I had bonded with him and we always got along well.
Two days after the funeral, I found a letter he had placed in a drawer in my dresser. He was crying out for help. I blame myself for not seeing this coming. We knew he was Bi Polar and help in Florida for this is not there. There is not a day that has passed in the last five years that I don't hold myself at fault. I should have gotten a second mortgage and had help for him. I failed him and I have to live with that. Jerry was a good person with great wit and a pleasant personality. I also live with that day for not getting up right away.
Thank you for letting me get this off my chest to those I served with.
CA-124, SS-377, SS-480, SS-337, SSN-596, SSBN-644, SS-347, SSBN-657, SSN-653 |
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Old Salt
Posts: 359
Location: Saco, Maine | Subject: RE: Five years ago today.
Hang in there, Jerry. He is in a better place.
Edited by John Bay 2008-09-21 2:33 PM
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 6180
Location: Summerville, SC | Subject: RE: Five years ago today.
As John said Jerry,"hang in there",Mate. Hind sight is 20/20 and in most situations we can look back and see we should have done it differently. Prayer works, Shipmate, and ours are there for you and your family. |
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Master and Commander
Posts: 1814
Location: Boydton, Virginia | Subject: RE: Five years ago today.
No sence in beating yourself up, Jerry. That is self-defeating. Look to the future and charish the memories of the past. Hold on to friends and family, the Grace of God may work through them to carry you through.
No need to apologize for leaning on us for help. We are all Shipmates here, after all.
Steamboat sends |
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Old Salt
Posts: 336
| Subject: RE: Five years ago today.
Jerry,
I am deeply sorry for your loss.
A dear friend has told me that we never get over grief, we just grow enough to encompass it.
An option for you to consider would to be focus some of your anger working towards a solution, like working with local legislations, donating time to a hotline, doing something to help even one person to not have to go through the pain you are experiencing.
Stan |
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Crew
Posts: 71
Location: Lakeview, OR | Subject: RE: Five years ago today.
Jerry,
I agree with the others about "hanging in there"! Keep praying and God will help you through. I'm certain your son wouldn't want you to mourn for him or to hold yourself responsible. You are on our prayer list, shipmate.
Buff |
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Old Salt
Posts: 461
Location: Medina, OH | Subject: RE: Five years ago today.
For those who've never lost a child, it's like trying to describe a color, say, green, to someone who's never seen green. Like the aforementioned suggestion about getting involved. Also, did you ever join a grief spport group? My thoughts are with you as you move ahead one day at a time. |
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Crew
Posts: 57
Location: Ormond Beach, Florida | Subject: RE: Five years ago today.
I want to thank all of you who posted on my sons death. Grief is there everyday. My wife and I went to his resting place yesterday and like all grown men who grieve, I had a good cry. Your posts to me mean more than you will ever know. I have never received any grief counseling, I just chose to live with it. Maybe that was a mistake, I will never know. Thanks to all of you I do feel better. Thank you again for allowing me to submit a non Submarine post.
CA-124, SS-377, SS-480, SS-337, SSN-596, SSBN-644 (B), SS-347, SSBN 657 (G), SSN-653 |
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Senior Crew
Posts: 121
Location: Western Washington State | Subject: ---
jerrydf -
I have never received any grief counseling, I just chose to live with it. Maybe that was a mistake, I will never know.
It is never too late ......... go soon, you will not regret it. |
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Great Sage of the Sea
Posts: 602
Location: Visalia, Ca. | Subject: RE: Five years ago today.
Jerry:
What donmac said. Better late than never.
I'm starting counseling with a group run by our local Hospice. My Dad got his Final Orders last Veterans' Day (appropriate), and Mom followed (cancer) in mid-April of this year. Thought I was doing pretty well, but lately I have been having trouble sleeping, don't want to do anything but sit around and listen to the jazz station on the radio when I should be taking care of a hundred things, second-guessing myself over how I handled some of the things that happened in my parents' last days.... I recognized the signs.
We are only human, we do the best we can, but often we don't see what is right in front of us.
We will never be perfect, never get it totally right - not in this world, anyway.
Find a survivor's group, share the grief and release some of the burden. You'll help each other heal and carry on.
And Remember: The health and welfare of a fellow Shipmate is always Submarine-related.
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Old Salt
Posts: 461
Location: Medina, OH | Subject: RE: Five years ago today.
Jerry: Thanks for bringing your topic, feelings. It's been my experience that women most often attend grief support groups; that men don't but, rather, "stuff" their feelings. This often causes splits in marraiges. That you're upfront, open, honest, is to your credit.You're son lives on in you. |
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 6180
Location: Summerville, SC | Subject: RE: Five years ago today.
Nancy, what you say is true about the difference between Men and Women attending grief support groups. Much depends on the person/persons running the group. One should do some research on a group before thinking that group is "the one" to confide in. |
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Old Salt
Posts: 461
Location: Medina, OH | Subject: RE: Five years ago today.
Good point, Ralph. Still my experience has been that women more likely than men to reach out for help with grief. As for recovery groups in general, have been in many with benefits. However, for more professional-credentialed counseling, finding it important that agencies, with budget cuts, don't turn clients over to interns. My recent experience is that clients are teaching the interns. However, the bottom line is that people with similar problems, such as grief, quickly bond and it's in this commonality that we feel healing, move forward, a day at a time. |
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Five years ago today.
