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Mess cooking
Posts: 11
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Just before Thanksgiving my wife Cathy died of cancer at the age of 47. She met many of you at the Bash at the Ranch which she so enjoyed. 47 is just too young, too young. I am so glad that I quit smoking nearly 9 years ago. She leaves behind four grandkids that adored her. |
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 2561
Location: Rapid City, SD | Subject: RE: Wifes passing
I am so very sorry, Tom. Yes, forty-seven is way too young to die. It's the age of my son and his wife. Words are inadequate. I'm guessing that your wife's death was due to smoking. All of us see this every day, but few think that it can happen to them. The deaths of my husband and my best friend were attributed to smoking. My husband died of a heart attack at fifty-three, and my friend died of lung cancer just before her fifty-third birthday. I have difficulty being in the same room with a smoker, and my thirty-three year old grandson smokes.
Again, I hope that time can be your healer. Hug those four little grandchildren.
Cora |
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Master and Commander
Posts: 2357
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Tom,
so very sorry to hear of this sad news. One year older than myself, very sad indeed.
May she Rest In Peace
Paul. |
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Crew
Posts: 70
Location: Naples, Fl | Subject: RE: Wifes passing
Tom
I am very sorry to hear about your wife's passing. My wife, Susan passed away from cancer 2 days before Thanksgiving in 2002. She was 52. I still think of her every day. I am very thankful for our daughter, Carolyn. This is a hard time of year for us both.
Your shipmate
Jack |
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Master and Commander
Posts: 1814
Location: Boydton, Virginia | Subject: RE: Wifes passing
Tom, I am very sorry for your loss. Cancer is indeed an insideous disease. I only hope that researchers can find causes and cures, but it is very slow going. My wife lost 4 members of her family to lung cancer, all from lifelong smoking. Thankfully she never smoked and made me stop when we got married.
Lean on your friends and family to get you through this terrible time.
Steamboat sends |
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 6180
Location: Summerville, SC | Subject: RE: Wifes passing
Tom, condolences from my home to yours. Words can not begin to really comfort your loss. Prayers are there for you and your family. |
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 3202
Location: Alexandria, Virginia | Subject: RE: Wifes passing
Tom, I have a deep appreciation for the tough time you are experiencing, having lost my wife to this insidious desease 15 December 2005. She was 64 and we had just celebrated our 40th anniversary that July. Our marriage was a 40 year rommance. I don't' give advice....I leave that to the Ann Landers of the world, but I will tell you of a couple of things I have learned in the ensuing three years. As a submarine sailor you are a member of the most supportive body of men on the face of the planet and as a contributing member of Don Gentry's Magic Carpet Ride, you will find several of us have experienced what you are going through and fully recognize the pain of your loss. There are things I have learned that might help...this is not advice just some things that help me....At first sleeping in an empty house was extremely difficult...a fellow boat sailor told me to buy aq bedside radio and play it softly, nearly inaudible during the night. Set it to an all-night news station and the fact that you hear conversation works wonders...at least it did for me. I live alone and have found the following indespensible....a one quart stainless steel pot with a lid...those little rascals allow you to prepare small portion meals....You and your daughter would each need such a 1 quart pot and lid combination. If you don't attend church regularly...start. There I did it, got in the advice business...Let me restate that...It helped me. I got a 3x5 card file box and alphabetical dividers....I write the names, addresses, phone numbers and e-mail addresses on cards and do my best to keep up with my very helpful and loyal friends. I made an effort to make up with close friends I had offended or had disagreements with, except those who were disloyal or failed me when I deeply needed their support. If a person knowingly fails in supporting you during your loss-recovery, I find they are not really friends. I had to learn to limit my TV watching. Television is addictive and you can use it as a mind numbing crutch....an adult pacifier filled with worthless time filling garbage. A great shipmate here, Jon Krup reintroduced me to worthwhile reading....especially an author and professional, licensed African big game hunter who writes about his personal experiences and ones shared with him by other big game hunters...Peter Hathaway CAPSTICK....His writings transport me to dark faraway places I will never visit and take me on adventures in a profession I knew nothing about until Jon Krup handed me his key to the magic box. Next....I had to limit myself to only eating out three days a week....and I never drink alone...Well maybe a beer or two with spaghetti.....One of the difficult things I had to learn to control was visiting her resting place and talking to her photograph. Sure, everyone knows that is stupid as hell...but when you're lonely you do a lot of stupid as hell stuff, like tuck one of your wife's nighties under her pillow next to you so you can slip your hand under it to kickstart memory dreams. Silent, empty houses are the closest you get to death before your heart stops. I keep track of who calls...On Thanksgiving Day I got ten phone calls from folks who were kind enough to wonder how I was doing....Those are "keeper" friends. I have made friends at three restuarants, my Post Office...(Three ladies who work there took me to lunch the day before Thanksgiving...I call them my harem), the hardware store maqnager, my service station guys, the little sweet Korean lady who operates my WASH and FOLD laundramat....my librarian, bank personnel...manager and tellers and the little sweetheart at the drive through window....I make an effort to learn the names of everyone I come in contact with....Tom, It's all part of getting on with life. John Wynn, one of the magic elves of 40 School Street, summed it up early on..."Dex, Dammit get over it." It hasn't been that easy, but I work at it. One mistake I made early on....I was invited to a grief group....What it was, was a group of perpetual whiners, who sat on butt numbing steel folding chairs, in a circle and shared tearful stories that reinforced each other's pain of loss....they just passed around their poisonous snakes so everybody got bit. You could do better talking to some old barfly. Tom, one thing I will leave you with....You don't recognize the importance of it now...but your bride left you wonderful memories you will discove once the pain dies out and if you stick with Don Gentry's Deep Submergence Rodeo and rub elbows with the crew, especially the old stove-up, barnacle encrusted sonuvabitches you will find yourself in the company of some of the finest caring and concerned shipmates, God ever bolted together on one of his best days. I, Sir wish you all the best and welcome to the club. DEX |
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Master and Commander
Posts: 1892
Location: Patterson, New York | Subject: RE: Wifes passing
I am sorry for your loss. |
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Master and Commander
Posts: 1269
Location: Hopewell Junction NY | Subject: RE: Wifes passing
May Cathy rest in peace.
I offer a prayer that your family and friends find support in one another during this difficult time. |
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 2672
Location: New Jersey | Subject: RE: Wifes passing
Terrible news Tom. Prayers to you & your family. Sorry for your loss. |
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Great Sage of the Sea
Posts: 597
Location: Tucson, Arizona | Subject: RE: Wifes passing
Tom you have embarked now on a very lonely journey. No one can feel the pain you are going through but you can "Let Your Friends Be Your Comfort and Strength". I lost my dear Sharon (52), not only a beautiful lady, mother and businesswoman but a great friend. She died in 1994.
I had two daughters ages 9 and 14 now thrown into a world with JUST A DAD. Well it took a while to become a Mom and Dad as I understood it and believe me you can never be her Mom, just take on the role the best you can. Now one is a PHD Grad and Asst Professor at the University of Michigan and turned 31 and my other daughter is findiing herself at the University of New Mexico at soon to be
24. We did well together and they did well so it will work for you and your daughter. You are now their best friend as well as their Dad.
What turned my life around is in November of 1995 (she died in August) I went to an airport and let a couple at the bar pick a city from several I selected where I should make my first trip oout of town and leave my memories there for a few days (had baby sitters for the kids). They picked Clevelend so off I went and visited the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Cod, and Lighthouse restaurant. I would then do this every month for over a year and believe me it made a world of difference to leave my house, my town, and my friends to just chill out me and my memories.
We each have our own way of healinig Tom and you will find yours. Good luck to you and your daughter Life will steer you on the right course as you guide hers.
My prayers are with you. If you "Give Love - You Get Love" and "If You Care Your There" we are here for you.
Dick Jarenski
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Great Sage of the Sea
Posts: 811
Location: NW Connecticut | Subject: RE: Wifes passing
Tom you have our deepest sympathys and Your Cathy will be in our prayers as will you and your family.
May she rest in peace.
Walt and Dot magnavice |
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Great Sage of the Sea
Posts: 561
Location: Belleview, Fl | Subject: RE: Wifes passing
Tom,
I am truly sad to hear of Cathy's passing, please accept my deepest condolances
Darrin |
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Old Salt
Posts: 402
| Subject: RE: Wifes passing
I'm very sorry. It's hard to lose someone you love at any time but near the holidays is the worst. On Thanksgiving Day 2004, my father asked me to take him to the hospital. He never returned. The holidays are different now. Hang in there and don't be afraid to ask friends for help and support.
Steve |
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Master and Commander
Posts: 1011
Location: NE Florida | Subject: RE: Wifes passing
Tom, you have my most sincere sympathy.
As one who experienced cancer surgery and chemotherapy this year, I know this terrible disease.
Please get involved with groups of survivors or another form of grief counseling... it really does help to be with others who have suffered as you have.
Best wishes for all your family,
Coyote
PS: The cancer was a colon cancer. I quit smoking November 8, 1990.
Edited by Coyote 2008-12-01 8:52 PM
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Master and Commander
Posts: 1247
Location: Rockingham Western Australia | Subject: RE: Wifes passing
Go with God Cathy. |
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Crew
Posts: 71
Location: Lakeview, OR | Subject: RE: Wifes passing
Tom,
My condolences and prayers go out to you. May God comfort you and your family.
Buff |
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Plankowner
Posts: 5024
Location: Gulfport, MS | Subject: RE: Wifes passing
Know that your 'brothers' are praying for you Tom... keep the faith! |
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Admin
Posts: 2297
Location: Renton, WA | Subject: RE: Wifes passing
Tom... so VERY sorry to hear this. 47 is so very young indeed. Take good care of yourself my Bash shipmate! You're among a great many friends if you need them. Don |
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 2540
Location: Wappingers Falls, NY | Subject: RE: Wifes passing
Hi Tom, Sorry to hear of your loss. Please know that Cathy will be in our thoughts and prayers. God bless you. |
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Mess cooking
Posts: 46
Location: east river, South Dakota | Subject: RE: Wifes passing
Tom, I know I am late to this, however please accept my heartfelt concern. I lost the LOVE of mylife suddenly in April of this year. Of course then I found this group. A wonderfully supportive group of folks. Please feel free to contact me directly, if you just want to talk. TIme does ease the raw pain, although I'm not sure it ever really goes away. However know that you can always have her with you, in your heart!!
Sending a HUGE <<< HUG >>> your way.
Edited by sister5lp 2008-12-07 6:59 PM
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Great Sage of the Sea
Posts: 566
Location: Inyokern, Ca. | Subject: RE: Wifes passing
Tom, have strength. You're in our prayers.
BB |
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Wifes passing
