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Old Salt
Posts: 264
Location: Harrison, NJ | Subject: GRITS!!!!!!!!!! Did Someone Say GRITS?
I LOVE `em.
What Are Grits?
Nobody knows. Some folks believe grits are grown on bushes and are harvested by midgets by shaking the bushes after spreading sheets around them. Many people feel that grits are made from ground up bits of white corn.
These are obviously lies spread by Communists and terrorists. Nothing as good as Grits can be made from corn. The most recent research suggests that the mysterious Manna that God rained down upon the Israelites during their time in the Sinai Desert was most likely Grits. Critics disagree, stating that there is no record of biscuits, butter, salt, and red eye gravy raining down from the sky, and that God would not punish his people by forcing them to eat Grits without these key ingredients.
How Grits are Formed.
Grits are formed deep underground under intense heat and pressure. It takes over 1000 years to form a single Grit. Most of the world's grit mines are in South Carolina, and are guarded day and night by armed guards and pit bull dogs. Harvesting the Grit is a dangerous occupation, and many Grit miners lose their lives each year so that Grits can continue to be served morning after morning for breakfast (not that having Grits for lunch and dinner is out of the question).
Yankees have attempted to create synthetic Grits. They call it Cream of Wheat. As far as we can tell, the key ingredients of Cream of Wheat are Elmer's Glue and shredded styrofoam. These synthetic grits have also been shown to cause nausea, and may leave you unable to have children.
Historical Grits
As we mentioned earlier, the first known mention of Grits was by the Ancient Israelites in the Sinai Desert. After that, Grits were not heard from for another 1000 years. Experts feel that Grits were used during this time only during secret religious ceremonies, and were kept from the public due to their rarity.
The next mention of Grits was found amidst the ruins of the ancient city of Pompeii in a woman's personal diary. The woman's name was Herculaneum Jemimaneus (Aunt Jemima to her friends.)
The 10 Commandments of Grits
* Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
* Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a spoon or knife
* Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits, for this is blasphemy .
* Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Grits.
* Thou shalt use only salt, butter, and red-eye gravy as toppings for thy Grits.
* Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits.
* Thou shalt not put ketchup on thy Grits.
* Thou shalt not put margarine on thy Grits.
* Thou shalt not eat toast with thy Grits, only biscuits made from scratch.
* Thou shalt eat grits on the Sabbath for this is manna from heaven.
How to Cook Grits
For one serving of Grits:
Boil 1.5 cups of water with salt and a little butter. Add 5 TBsp of Grits. Reduce to a simmer and allow the Grits to soak up all the water. When a pencil stuck into the grits stands alone, it is done. That's all there is to cooking grits.(Some folks like their's soupy and that's OK)
How to make red eye gravy
Fry salt cured country ham in cast iron pan. Remove the ham when done and add coffee to the gravy and simmer for several minutes. Great on grits and biscuits.
How to Eat Grits
Immediately after removing your grits from the stove top, add a generous portion of butter or red eye gravy. (WARNING: Do NOT use low-fat butter.) The butter should cause the Grits to turn a wondrous shade of yellow. (Hold a banana or a yellow rain slicker next to your Grits; if the colors match, you have the correct amount of butter.)
In lieu of butter, pour a generous helping of red eye gravy on your grits. Be sure to pour enough to have some left for sopping up with your biscuits. Never, ever substitute canned or store bought biscuits for the real thing because they caused cancer, rotten teeth and impotence.
Next, add salt. (NOTICE: The correct ration of Grit to Salt is 10:1 Therefore for every 10 grits, you should have 1 grain of salt.)
Now begin eating your grits. Always use a fork, never a spoon, to eat Grits. Your grits should be thick enough so they do not run through the tines of the fork.
The correct beverage to serve with Grits is black coffee. DO NOT use cream or, heaven forbid, Skim Milk.)
Your grits should never be eaten in a bowl because Yankees will think its Cream of Wheat!
Ways to Eat Leftover Grits: (Leftover grits are extremely rare)
Spread them in the bottom of a casserole dish,
Cover and place them in the refrigerator overnight.
The Grits will congeal into a gelatinous mass.
Next morning, slice the Grits into squares and fry them in 1/2" of cooking oil and butter until they turn a golden brown.
Many people are tempted to pour syrup onto Grits served this way. This is, of course, unacceptable.
TRADITIONAL BLESSING BEFORE EATING GRITS
May the lord bless these grits,
May no Damnyankee ever get the recipe,
May I eat grits every day while living,
And may I die while eating grits.
AMEN |
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Master and Commander
Posts: 1455
| Subject: RE: GRITS!!!!!!!!!! Did Someone Say GRITS?
I had the pleasure of eating shrimp and grits in Florence, SC a month ago during a business trip. My rep and customer told me it was a SC thing and I shold try it. It was great stuff although my heart and arteries doth protest too much. Interesting restaurant too. It was the the Red Dog or Red Bone, one of those which I just can't remember right now. An old Sears store that was decorated like a small town with cafe style eating areas that made a large place seem small. |
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Senior Crew
Posts: 214
Location: Ladson SC | Subject: RE: GRITS!!!!!!!!!! Did Someone Say GRITS?
Dang it Conlon. Now you done give away the secret and all them damn yankees will start eating grits and we will see the price skyrocket as there is a limited supply.
Mac that was Redbone. The owner also has a restaurant in Columbia. Now what in the world is in shrimp and grits that would be harmful. Lets see. Maybe it was the heavy cream. Got to have heavy cream to properly make shrimp and grits
The other definition of GRITS is Girls Raised In The South (best in the world) Yep Grits sure are good. |
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Senior Crew
Posts: 186
Location: Chunky, MS | Subject: RE: GRITS!!!!!!!!!! Did Someone Say GRITS?
We eat grits all the time here.
I like to get the "Southern Fried Fish & Grits" down at The Original Oyster House in Mobile when we go down to visit the Drum. It is "Cracker meal fried flounder fillets with tartar sauce and tasty cheese grits. " yum yum |
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 2561
Location: Rapid City, SD | Subject: This Damn Yankee...
...don't like grits. I et 'em once. That was 'way more than enough. Sorta like eating glue. Only worse.
Cora |
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Plankowner
Posts: 9165
Location: Upper lefthand corner of the map. | Subject: RE: This Damn Yankee...
I hear ya Cora. I had them once too and can proudly say never again. Vile stuff. Any food you have to dump tons of stuff on to make them paletable isn't food for me.
Had some great pickled herring tonight. Yum!!! Food of the gods. |
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 2540
Location: Wappingers Falls, NY | Subject: RE: This Damn Yankee...
Well, I DISAGREE with both of you, especially that "herring person"...grits can be eaten any way yo' lil ole heart desires...me, I love them with lots of butter or lots of cheese...but the best way I have had them, is with gravy from a chicken fried steak..hmmmmmmmm.
Thanks alot, Ric...ya got me hooked again!!!
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Master and Commander
Posts: 1455
| Subject: RE: GRITS!!!!!!!!!! Did Someone Say GRITS?
Thanks for the Redbone name. I did hear that they had one somewhere else in the Carolinas. They used just the right amount of cheddar and cream to make them decadent. The TGIF chain has them now although I haven't tried them, nor do I know anyone who has, so I can't comment on whether it's worthwhile to try it there. |
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 6180
Location: Summerville, SC | Subject: RE: This Damn Yankee...
Cora, you just haven't had grits done right. You need to come to Charleston and get a plate of shrimp and grits my style.
Were your ears burnin Tuesday evening? Patti, Ric, Olgoat, Blue, Roy Ator and I were talking about you and we missed having you there in the DC area with us. Kind words were and are sent your way.  |
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 6180
Location: Summerville, SC | Subject: RE: This Damn Yankee...
Ric?????? Vile stuff you say? If I had known you felt that way about our very fine Southern dish I would of had Blue's "friend" put a lip lock onya, mate.  |
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Old Salt
Posts: 403
Location: Sacramento/Twain Harte | Subject: RE: GRITS!!!!!!!!!! Did Someone Say GRITS?
If you can't find your Elmers Glue, I know a good substitute. |
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 2561
Location: Rapid City, SD | Subject: RE: This Damn Yankee...
I'm on my way, Ralph!
Kind words? I'll bet. I have met Ric and Blue (Blue, by the way, keeps ignoring my question about when he's coming back here), and feel that I know you, Patti, Roy and Ralph. Don't know Olgoat all the well yet.
What I want to know is: Did Dex have kind words for me? After looking at Roy's pictures, I wish Dex had been here to plan my brother's "Farewell Party." You done good, boy! You and Stoops. What we had at Elmer's memorial service was the local USSVI group, who stood enmasse, throughout the entire ceremony, barked some orders and saluted. I was impressed, because Elmer had only gone to one meeting, about five days before he died. And- we had an Honor Guard of older veterans, who always show up for these events. Karen gave me five of the shells that they shot at the ceremony. She said that she thought that her dad had received a 'five-gun salute.' I think it was a three-gun salute, because five men shot three rounds.
No horse-drawn hearse.
But, his grave is on a hilltop, where he can seen all the storms coming across Pahasapa. He always said that he wanted to build a house on a hill for this reason. It never happened.
Thank you Dex and whoever else, for planning Warshot's memorial. I am impressed, and even though I couldn't make it, I was with you all in spirit. Our WWII Boys are leaving much too soon.
Back to the book. By the way, it (with technical help from a Minnesota friend - and with all the help you boys have given me) is shaping up nicely. I'm even looking at publishers. Any one have any hints on that score?
Talk to you all later. Love you, guys!
Cora |
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 6180
Location: Summerville, SC | Subject: RE: This Damn Yankee...
Don't know Olgoat all the well yet.
Boy, are you in for a surprise. Seriously, Olgoat is one of those special people that will give you the shirt off his back if you need it. If you don't need it might whoop it on ya anyway and has a heart bigger than life.
You can drop that check in the mail, Ray, when you get a chance. |
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 2540
Location: Wappingers Falls, NY | Subject: RE: This Damn Yankee...HEY Y'ALL
Guess who finally landed "after flying high" with all of you...yep, we are home...arriving around 5 PM...and it rained all the way up until I hit the NY border. I see one of the Southern Boys arrived home...did Whelan get off OK, Ralph...anyone heard from Steamboat...
So, she wants to get to know Olgoat...hmmm...hey Ralph, do you think it's fair...do you think her heart could stand it...I think I am going have to go to the ER, I left my "cheeks" and ribs in VA...but got a great sunburn yesterday...and one too many cramps in my legs. Ric, Blue and I decided to do the sites (if "someone" hasn't already posted) taking the Metro into the City and walking down the Mall to the WWII Memorial first, then the Viet Nam Memorial, Lincoln Memorial and finally the Korean Memorial...it was a glorius day...sun shining...Blue's head getting
more sunburnt (he met up with few fellow countryman and woman) and after our "long walk", went back to Springfield...I will let the "reprobate" from WA State finish this...because I am pooped.
Talk more in the AM...I haven't been to bed this early since before I left home on Sat...gee, do think I had a good time??? (<
One last thing before I forget...Dan Ashley and Kevin Mooney, if you see this post anytime soon...Gentlemen, it was an honor to
be in your company this week...and especially kind of you, Kevin, in letting me ride along with you to the Service. Dan, I will email
tomorrow (Friday)...hope your ride home was a safe one...and I hope your trip across country was a smooth one, Kevin.
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Ensemlble...I bid you "Good night".
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 6180
Location: Summerville, SC | Subject: RE: This Damn Yankee...HEY Y'ALL
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Ensemlble...I bid you "Good night".
Patti, we have named "Swine of the Highest Order" by his Excellency Blue of Down Under. |
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 2561
Location: Rapid City, SD | Subject: Named who...
...'swine of the highest order?' Surely not Patti.
Cora
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 6180
Location: Summerville, SC | Subject: RE: Named who...
Awww yeah, Patti was in the thick of it without a doubt. A real trooper or as Blue would say, "one of the swine". Olgoat had total control. |
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GRITS!!!!!!!!!! Did Someone Say GRITS?
