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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 3202
Location: Alexandria, Virginia | Subject: Goodmorning WORLD
Here in Northern Virginia itz-a Zippity-Doo-Dah Day....I started off by attempting to figure out how to hook up one of those "nothin'to it" digital converter boxes to my bedroom "old timey" TV's. First off the gawdam thing was produced in China...surprise, surprise. The sonuvabitch who wrote the directions musta been the same guy who wrote the scripts for the Amos and Andy Show....I finally just started moving the three cables around (after figuring bout that the one with the red end went in the red hole) and I think the damn thing is working now. That brings to mind....How do old ladies get into DVD packaging?...get those gawdam kid proof caps off prescription medicine bottles? Open damn bacon packaging now made out of ten mil bullet proof vest material?....You buy stuff, haul it home and it takes, a chain saw, crow bar, tin snips, cutting torch, six men and a small boy to get into the damn thing....The bathroom light in connected to the ventillation fan...you flip the switch and both the light and the fan come on...Problem, the fan sounds Hell's philharmonic orchestra warming up...So to keep from waking up other people trying to sleep, you take what Ray Stone calls,"a sonar pee"...you just start peeing and moving around until you hear it hitting the water...married men cohabiting with brides should forgo this practice or load up on big time medical insurance....During a sonar pee, I have developed the habit of taking a Scope rinse since the bottle sits on a shelf right above the head...Problem...Scope folks put a combination lock type cap on the jug...to get inside to the green stuff you have to take two semesters of safe cracking school. Diabetic neuropathy and pop-tops are another lethal proposition. What diabolical sonuvabitch invented that large envelope material that King Kong couldn't rip into? Musta been the same guy who made blimp skins. I think it's easier to get lug nuts off'a semi that getting a twist off cap off a Heinekin bottle. Back in the old days you didn't have to e-mail the manufacturer for instructions on how to get into stuff. When did they start covering Tops baaseball cards in sheet metal. You leave the cap off a tube of Crest toothpaste overnight and it heals itself...some kind of vulcanized scab forms in the tube opening and the process required to clear the blockage, bears a remarkable resemblance to squeezing a rhinoscerous zit. Those things called bubble packs that everything in a modern hardware store come in....how do old people get into those contraptions....they make that bubble wrap out of the same material they made B-17 ball turrets out of....you cut the stuff with poultry scissors and you leave edges as sharp as a Buck knife, that if you're not careful will cut hell out of the palm of your hand and possibly amputate a couple fingers. You ever check out the bottom of a Campbells soup can? The bastards eliminated the rim edge that will allow you to cut out the bottom of the can...That rim like the top of the can, that used to alow a can opener the latch on and zip the lid out is GONE...it's now just a rounded edge. So you're sratching your head and saying, what in the hell does the simple bastard wantta cut both ends of the can out for? To use the empty can as a cutter for Jon Krups Magic Breakfast Biscuits...It produces the optimum diameter biscuit. Dole sliced pineapple cans still use cans you can cut the top and bottom out of....Now there's usable info. It won't be long before someone comes up with girls Velcro bloomers that you can't remove in the backseat of a 55 Chevy and cypher lock bra hooks. I'm seriously thinking about forming an Anti-Progress League....Cro-Magnons ARISE. DEX |
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Master and Commander
Posts: 1405
Location: Houston, TX (Best state in the US) | Subject: RE: Goodmorning WORLD
Yeah...I know what you mean about the blister packaging. I have cut myself more than once when trying to open something. I think the fellow that tried to kill his wife with the Tylenol should have each of his pubic hairs pulled off of his scrotum, one by one, weekly! He and tort lawyers are probably the root of this cover your ass packaging.
Hint...when you get a new bottle of scope, and finally get the top off, pour it into the appropriate size gatorade or softdrink bottle.
Hint number 2: If you have one of those kitchen ladders and you can reach your bathroom light/fan, take the cover off. In many of them, the fan will unplug from the fixture. That will stop the noise, but you may accumulate the odor of #3 sanitary, but then again.....that should bring back a wave of smokeboat nostalgia. If you have a nearby EM, he might be able to replace the fan....I haven't tried it, but I know from experience that 20 minute jobs seem to develop into an all weekend project.
With a few exceptions, I'm with you on the Anti-progress movement....newer is not always better....it's just more likely more politically correct!!!!!!!!
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Plankowner
Posts: 9165
Location: Upper lefthand corner of the map. | Subject: RE: Goodmorning WORLD
Stoops - 2009-05-10 9:01 AM
...Hint number 2: If you have one of those kitchen ladders and you can reach your bathroom light/fan, take the cover off. In many of them, the fan will unplug from the fixture...
You forget, Dave, this is Dex.... a screwdriver has more moving parts than Dex can figure out to make work let alone mess with the wires. He'd probably end up hanging himself trying to unplug them. |
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Master and Commander
Posts: 1814
Location: Boydton, Virginia | Subject: RE: Goodmorning WORLD
My advise to you Dex is to keep your noisy bathroom fan. It drounds out a lot of body noises that you really don't want broadcast over the 1 MC. The new ones are much too quiet!!
Steamboat sends |
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Goodmorning WORLD
