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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 3202
Location: Alexandria, Virginia | Subject: The Holland Club
Have a friend who gets inducted this year...I get to go in in 2010...(I feel like one of those kids who goes regularly to an amusement where you have to be so tall to ride the Super Dooper, Speed of Light, Scare your Butt Off Roller Coaster and is too short...and eats everything to include Brussel sprouts, and Ruttabegas to grow tall enough to crawl aboard that scary sonuvabitch.) I've got my nose pressed up against the HOLLAND CLUB CANDY STORE WINDOW...me'n John Wynn...Can't wait to become a Qualified Barnacle Encrusted Sonuvabitch and allowed to sit with the tribal elders and eat with pointed sticks, drink Miller Lite out of the communal rhinoscerous skull, toss beads and chicken bones in the air...and Watch The Goddess of the Main Induction dance buck nekkit on the table. I remember, years ago when I was nineteen, twenty feet tall and bulletproof...and these old dinged up bastards would come aboard, swill coffee you could drive nails with us and regale us with tales from something called the Old Navy...Stories about boats with no names just designators and hull numbers....Old stinking monsters filled with dead air, battery fumes and unwashed animals...the cloth dolphins crowd. At that point I was going to remain young, handsome and live forever. I would never get so damn old that I would find myself telling young kids what it was like standing a four hour watch on the bridge in a state five sea, in temperatures that put lady penguins in wool bloomers and fighting flat rain that was coming at you like it was fired out of a BB gun, cutting green mold off mid-watch baloney, drinking coffee that could reverse the effects of embalming fluid and dating wimmin that crawled out of God's strange creation pile....No, nobody would find me crawling down the After Battery hatch of some termanly ill smokeboat and telling a bunch of wet behind the ears kids, that they didn't know what living in a three hundred eleven foot septic tank was like...Never thought I would drop down in some Queen Mary size submersible pixiedust powered monster and see, bunks with curtains, reading lights, head phones to listen to your own customized nightie-nite music...open showers....goat lockers that looked like a $140 dollars a night room at the Holiday Inn....table cloth's on the rag hat messdeck tables...cooks with no tattoos, greasy aprons or half smoked seegars clenched in their teeth...men using forks with all the tines heading in the same direction, that you didn't have to bend into shape to eat with....These things were tied up to clean piers not filled with stuff looking like a municipal dump...and brick guard shacks that would pass muster with BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS...that contained well turned out properly uniformed naval personnel, with snow white pistola belts and CLEAN raghats....I would never reach the level of longevity where the words,"You sonuvabitches have no idea how good you have it." would fall easily from my lips. Naw, I'd never become some old wornout Cro-Magnon Man and descend into old cootery. But in 2010, I'll get my official certification papers and hopefully a hug from The Duchess of Lumpy Projections (That is if I get a written permission slip from Garry and get him to put down that large caliber hand cannon) John Wynn tells me that if you don't get a Patti Lynn hug, you have to spend your first year in the 40 School Street penalty box. So, here I am eating my damn brussel sprouts, chicken foot samidges and alligator roe and stuff that falls out of a hippos nose so I can get big enough to fill a seat on the JOHN HOLLAND MAGIC CARPET RIDE, sitting next to John Wynn and get the worthless sonuvabitch Raymondo el Stone-o, to give me one of his contraband, Castro blessed El Rope-o's....Mr. Holland I'se comin' jes leave the brow in place while you single up. DEX |
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Old Salt
Posts: 403
Location: Sacramento/Twain Harte | Subject: RE: The Holland Club
Dex,
I was inducted last year and never heard of hugs by Lumpy. Here I sit alone in No. Cal. Waiting for a hug by some Bumps , when will it happen? Please I can't sleep. Znuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuz  |
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 6180
Location: Summerville, SC | Subject: RE: The Holland Club
Raymondo el Stone-o, to give me one of his contraband, Castro blessed El Rope-o's...
Dog-gone Dex, you can get one of those just by going by the dog pound and see if they have a big ole Great Dane in there.  |
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Old Salt
Posts: 431
| Subject: RE: The Holland Club
John W. put me on the pitcher of beer and slim jim diet for my 2013 induction.
It is after all the Subron Six Breakfast of Champions,,,,,,,,,,, and lunch ,,,,,,,,,,,,, and supper |
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Master and Commander
Posts: 1262
Location: Va.Beach,Va. | Subject: RE: The Holland Club
"So, here I am eating my damn brussel sprouts, chicken foot samidges and alligator roe and stuff that falls out of a hippos nose so I can get big enough to fill a seat on the JOHN HOLLAND MAGIC CARPET RIDE, "-Dex
I hear they are reserving TWO STOOLS for you,Shipmate! |
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 3202
Location: Alexandria, Virginia | Subject: RE: The Holland Club
Mike, I have some genuine relics of the old days that I use when we have our SubRon Six pagan rituals...I have a piece of concrete from old Pier 22...They knocked the sonuvabitch down, built some kind of double deck modern technical marvel...asceptically clean (Is asceptically a word? or did it come out of an Amos and Andy script. My favorite George "Kingfish" Stevens expression..."Hypodermically speaking") Anyway when they demo'ed old Pier 22...built a new one and renumbered it...I got a chunk of old SubRon Six Main Street...You can hold it up to your ear like a conch shell and actually hear barmaid panties hitting the pier deck. I also have a brick (Thanks to Senor Johnathon Wynn) from the Old Subschool building they hammered into rubble....You can hold that sonuvabitch up to your ear and actually hear Chief Bates hammering Trim and Drain into thick skulls. Many years ago, Ray Stone gave me a beer mug from Bells...It has that old Red Bell on it and BELLS BAR AND GRILL printed on it in red. I wouldn't swap that thing for a solid gold 14th century chalice from Saint Peters in the Vatican.....one used by every Pope since Pope Billy the Sixteenth. Ray and I have been on a quest similar to the search for the Holy Grail...The Bell's mens room floor drain screen...It is said that it has mystical powers rivaling the relics of Saints and Madam Chanda the VooDoo Queen. And, Bob Garlock and I unearthed the old SubRon Six insignia of the late 50's and early 60's and Bob paid a bloody fortune to reproduce it and only REQUIN REUNION guys have them...Bob has a few left...the old smokeboat riders insignia the one that has the Latin VOLENS ET POTENS motto on it (Translation : "Mothers lock up your daughters") John Wynn and I will drink a toast to days gone bye out of the famous BELLS BAR mug next year...it will be like a trip to the Fountain of Youth...angels will sing and barmaids will appear in scanty lingerie handing out motel keys and cab fare. Nobody seems to promote Holland Club activity and the excitment of induction anticipation here on Gentry's Watdch, Quarters and Station Bill. It's the only old timers cult...where you don't have to drink warm iguana blood, bat pee and swallow yellow stuff squeezed out of a Komoto Dragon zit....No dancing in a circle with flaming torches and tossing dead roach confetti in the air. I hope they do more to promote the concept of tribal elders...the keepers of the history and heritage of under sea service and Dolphin Senior Citizen attainment....I know that Ben Bastura is the patron saint of the Holland Clubbers and watches over us. DEX |
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 6180
Location: Summerville, SC | Subject: RE: The Holland Club
Mad Dog, you wouldn't be implying that Dex is getting a little broad across the rump are you? Yeah, I know the keyword..getting... |
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 3202
Location: Alexandria, Virginia | Subject: RE: The Holland Club
In East Tennessee, they would say,"The fellow's got an ass like a forty dollar mule." DEX |
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Great Sage of the Sea
Posts: 602
Location: Visalia, Ca. | Subject: RE: Reserving TWO barstools
My father used to refer to those who were more than a little broad in the beam as "two (or sometimes 3) axe-handles wide.
He never would say what size axe-handle he was referring to - standard 24-inch hand axe, or the 4-foot lumberjack (Paul Bunyan signature) model.
From the pictures (not avatars) I've seen posted here, none of us are in the 2-standard axe-handle range, but some are getting close.
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 3202
Location: Alexandria, Virginia | Subject: RE: The Holland Club
My Old Man used to say,"Well she was built when meat was cheap and needed a WIDE LOAD sign on her butt and a red flag hanging out of her hippocket." |
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 3202
Location: Alexandria, Virginia | Subject: RE: The Holland Club
What's with this bunch?...You start a thread about the Holland Club and the next thing you know the mindless jaybirds who reside in this tree, have reduced the whole thing to the merits and recognition of fat asses. It's like going from a discussion of the artistic merit of the Mona Lisa to a diatribe on Typhoid Annie, picking at her scabs...Man, submariners can reduce lovely poetry to semi-literate dog doo in twenty seconds... |
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Great Sage of the Sea
Posts: 602
Location: Visalia, Ca. | Subject: RE: The Holland Club
Nah.
Fine poetry and prose stands by itself (even yours), and there is little us yahoos can do or say to detract from it.
But we who went to sea in boats that sank on purpose, and practiced the art of turning multi-thousand ton visions of magnificent Naval Architecture into scrap-iron and fish habitat, sometimes need to poke a little fun at each other, to keep things from getting too serious.
Wouldn't want to be mistaken for them Ivory-Tower Intel-lectuwals from back east, now would we?
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COMSUBBBS
Posts: 6180
Location: Summerville, SC | Subject: RE: The Holland Club
Dex, it's sorta like the old BS Sea Stories in the After Battery where we would start out talking about saving the world and wind up discussing Thelma's cup and panty size. I didn't actually want to use your old girlfriend here, but, I figured it would get your immediate attention. |
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The Holland Club
